Building Muscle and Such..

Confession: For the past couple of days, I've had no desire to be with God. I rub the the sleep out of my eyes as I awaken to a new day and look over to my Bible, within reach. But I don't pick it up. For some reason, nothing seems more exhausting to me than reading that book or even talking to God. So I get up and do other things--hoping that those thoughts tugging at me to go back, to open up the pages, to find real rest and joy, won't go away, but maybe just lighten up. But they don't. So I carry on. Like a stubborn child who knows they're doing wrong, in full view of their parent, yet continues to carry on with their actions.

At work, I'm usually the one to close the Cafe. Last night, my ride home was going to come an hour after I got off and I found myself almost annoyed that all I had to keep me occupied was my Bible, which I had quickly thrown into my purse before leaving for my shift earlier.

Even though I didn't "feel" like reading it, I opened it up anyway. This book, that was so often a joy to read and explore before, now seemed like a workout I really didn't want to do. Or a mountain I had to climb on zero energy.

As I started to read about Solomon and his wisdom, I began to think about sacrifice and obedience. The Lord has been so good to me. The grace that's been spread over my life is more abundant than I could ever explain (and probably even understand). I am dearly loved and treasured by Christ. He holds me in the palm of His hand, whispering sweet words of love and life and courage over me. How I love Him too! No has ever loved me like He does. No one ever will.

But the word "relationship" implies more than one person is involved. I've made a commitment to Christ, just as He made a commitment to me by dying for me. I told Him He could have it all, that I wouldn't hold back. That I would sleep on the dirt if that's what He asked me to do. Even when I don't feel like it.

As I climbed into bed last night, I felt that tugging again. "Come to Me". "Seek Me." My response? "I already did. I've done enough today. I'll spend time with You tommorrow." Horrible, right? Yeah, it is. Because if I ever responded like that to any of my friends or family, the response wouldn't be too positive.

Immediately the phrase, "Delayed obedience is disobedience" resounded in my mind. It's something my Dad used to always say when my brothers and sister and I were little. You know, you're told to clean your room or wash the dishes, or put your clothes away and you come up with an excuse to put it off.

"Delayed obedience is disobedience."

 Yikes! I don't want to be disobedient. Sometimes I underestimate the importance of fearing God--of listening to Him carefully and following Him no matter what. Even if it seems inconvenient to me. Over and over again, the Bible talks about the fear of the Lord being the beginning of life, of wisdom. We're called to that.

That's what I want. So He teaches me how to push through. He allows me to face distractions so I can learn to cling tightly to Him. And those moments, like last night, where I stubbornly say "No!" to Him? They're embarrassing and convicting as I hear the Spirit remind me that I'm walking in disobedience. I find myself going to the Throne and asking for forgiveness. Ouch.

Thank goodness that my Savior is gentle and pulls me back into His arms--forgiving, teaching and advising me. Strengthening me. Loving me. Leading me. Today is a new day. Yesterday is gone--everything wiped away, but the lesson. Today, I choose Him.


Romans 8! Read it today if you have the chance! =)